How Mel Robbins’ "Let Them" Theory Can Save Your Law School Experience

Mel Robbins’ The Let Them Theory is basically a stress-management tool disguised as a mindset shift. And it fits law school perfectly.

In her book, Robbins explains that “Let Them” is the phrase you use when you feel your control-freak instincts kicking in and you start obsessing over someone else’s behavior, reaction, or opinion. Instead of tightening your grip, you make a conscious choice to loosen it. You tell yourself, "Let them think that, "Let them act like that, "Let them make that choice." You stop making their behavior your responsibility and accept that you can’t control other people or many external outcomes.

But she doesn’t stop there. She pairs it with “Let Me”:

Once you’ve let them be who they are, you ask, “Okay, so let me … [fill in the blank].” Let me decide how I want to respond. Let me take care of what I can control. Let me honor my needs, boundaries, and goals. That’s where the real power is, in redirecting your attention and energy back to your own choices instead of chasing theirs.

Here’s how that “Let Them / Let Me” combo can look in law school, with five of the most useful categories.

1. Let Them Study Their Way | Let Me Study Mine

Law school is a Petri dish of other people’s study habits. Some classmates swear by 14-hour days. Others flex about “barely studying” and still doing well. People will insist you must use a particular outline, watch a certain YouTuber, or join their study group or you’re “doing it wrong.” It’s really easy to feel like you’re constantly doing law school “less correctly” than everyone else.

Let Them:

💭 Let them camp out in the library until midnight every night.

💭 Let them color-code, mind-map, or write 200-page outlines.

💭 Let them brag about how "chill" they are before finals.

You don’t have to fix their approach, argue with it, or match it.

Let Me:

✅ Let me notice what actually helps me learn: maybe practice questions, whiteboard flowcharts, or teaching rules out loud.

✅ Let me build a schedule that fits my energy and obligations (kids, job, commute, etc.), even if it doesn’t look “hardcore” on Instagram.

✅ Let me commit to one system for a few weeks and evaluate it based on results, not FOMO.

Example: Your friends decide they’re going to pull back-to-back all-nighters outlining. You’re tempted to join even though you know you crash hard after 10 p.m.

Let them wreck their sleep. Let me protect my bedtime, get up early, and do 3 focused, rested hours instead of 8 foggy ones.

2. Let Them Form Cliques | Let Me Build Real Support

Law school can feel like high school with casebooks: group chats you’re not in, “super” study groups, people trading outlines only within certain circles. It’s easy to spiral into, “Why wasn’t I invited? What’s wrong with me?”

Let Them:

💭 Let them have their exclusive study group and inside jokes.

💭 Let them keep their outlines close to the vest.

💭 Let them gossip, complain, or obsess about rankings in their corner of the building.

You don’t need to chase their approval or membership to be successful.

Let Me:

✅ Let me look for one or two people who are serious, kind, and reliable (and not just “popular”).

✅ Let me decide whether I actually learn better studying solo and just comparing notes occasionally.

✅ Let me create the environment I need, e.g., a quiet corner, a shared Google Doc with one friend, or regular Zoom sessions with someone who keeps me accountable.

Example: A classmate you barely know asks for your meticulously organized outline but never shares anything in return and rarely comes to class prepared.

Let them be transactional or unprepared. Let me decide that my time and work have value, and either share a pared-down version or say, “I’m not comfortable sending the whole thing, but I’m happy to talk through the big topics if that would help.”

3. Let Professors Teach How They Teach | Let Me Learn

You’ll have professors who cold-call relentlessly, some who barely cold-call at all; some who are crystal clear about expectations and others who feel like they’re speaking in riddles. You can waste a lot of mental energy wishing they would teach a different way.

Let Them:

💭 Let that professor be a Socratic warrior who grills you for 15 minutes.

💭 Let that professor stay vague and big-picture with the doctrine.

💭 Let that professor use outdated slides or confusing hypotheticals.

You’re probably not going to rewrite their teaching style mid-semester.

Let Me:

✅ Let me figure out what their exams actually look like. Find old exams, sample answers, rubrics, or ask upper-level students.

✅ Let me go to office hours with targeted questions like, “Could you walk me through how you’d organize an answer to this hypo?”

✅ Let me match my prep to their testing style: more practice hypos and issue-spotting for one class, more rule statements and policy discussion for another.

Example: Your Criminal Law professor is terrifying in class but extremely clear in written feedback.

Let them stay intense in the classroom. That’s how they teach. Let me treat class as performance training (staying calm under pressure) and treat written feedback as gold and then build my outlines and practice essays around that feedback.

4. Let Grades and Gossip Be What They Are | Let Me Improve My Process

Grades in law school land with a thud. They’re curved, delayed, and then everyone speculates: who’s “at the top,” who “bombed,” who’s “a natural.” That swirl of comparison and rumor can chew up your confidence quickly.

Let Them:

💭 Let them brag about their A if they want to.

💭 Let them assume you’re “fine” or “struggling” based on one semester.

💭 Let them obsess publicly over class rank or hide their grades completely.

You don’t have to explain, justify, or narrate your transcript to anyone.

Let Me:

✅ Let me treat each grade as feedback about a system, not a verdict on my intelligence.

✅ Let me ask, “Where did my process break down: understanding, memorizing, or applying?” and adjust one thing at a time.

✅ Let me schedule a meeting with the professor to go over my exam, even if I feel embarrassed, so I actually learn how to write for that grader.

Example: You studied hard and got a C in Contracts while a classmate says they “barely studied” and pulled an A-minus.

Let them tell that story because you don’t know what they actually did or how their brain works. Let me sit down with my exam, compare it to the model answer, and identify three concrete upgrades: clearer rule statements, more organized IRAC, or more precise use of facts. Then I can test those changes on the next practice question.

5. Let Family and Friends Be Confused | Let Me Protect My Boundaries

Outside of law school, most people honestly don’t get what you’re doing. They’ll say things like, “You’re still not a lawyer?” or “Can’t you just skip studying this weekend?” or “It’s just a test, You've always done well.” Their comments can feel minimizing or frustrating.

Let Them:

💭 Let them underestimate how intense law school or bar prep really is.

💭 Let them be disappointed you can’t make every event or trip.

💭 Let them have their opinions about how much you “should” be studying.

You can acknowledge that they don’t fully understand without needing to educate or convince every single person.

Let Me:

✅ Let me set clear, kind boundaries: “I can’t do weekends right now, but I’d love to celebrate after finals (or after the bar exam).”

✅ Let me protect non-negotiable study blocks in my calendar (and also non-negotiable rest blocks) and treat them as appointments with my future self.

✅ Let me choose one or two people I’ll really keep in the loop, instead of trying to manage everyone’s expectations all the time.

Example: Your family wants a big vacation two weeks before the bar exam.

Let them be bummed or think you’re “too intense” when you say you can’t go. Let me stand by the decision I know protects my chances on the exam, and maybe suggest a different celebration date after results or after swearing-in.

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Mel Robbins’ "Let Them" / "Let Me" combo is basically this:

💭 Let Them: Other people’s choices, moods, and opinions belong to them. You don’t have to chase or fix them.

✅ Let Me: Your time, focus, and energy belong to you. You get to decide what to do next.